The Cars of 21st
century as they could be...
At a recent
computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared
the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar
cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response
to Bill's comments, General Motors (Welsh himself?)
issued a press release stating: If GM had developed
technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics:
- For no
reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a
day.
- Every
time they repainted the lines on the road you
would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally
your car would die on the freeway for no reason,
and you would just accept this, restart and drive
on.
- Occasionally,
executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to
restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
- Only
one person at a time could use the car, unless
you bought "Car95" or
"CarN(e)T." But then you would have to
buy more seats which are sold separately.
- Macintosh
would make a car that was powered by the sun,
reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy
to drive, but would only run on five per cent of
the roads.
- The
oil, water temperature and alternator warning
lights would be replaced by a single
"general car fault" warning light.
- New
seats would force everyone to have the same size
butt.
- The
airbag system would say "Are you sure?"
before going off.
- Occasionally
for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the
key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
- GM
would require all car buyers to also purchase a
deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM
subsidiary), even though they neither need them
nor want them. Attempting to delete this option
would immediately cause the car's performance to
diminish by 50 or more. Moreover, GM would become
a target for investigation by the Justice
Department.
- Every
time GM introduced a new model car buyers would
have to learn how to drive all over again because
none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
- You'd
press the "start" button to shut off
the engine.
- Every
time GM introduced a new model the car won't fit
in your garage. You'd have to expand your garage
or buy a bigger house.
- Your
car will routinely get "the System is Busy
or Unstable" message unless you use GM's
gasoline.
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